I've fought with my own feelings. Fighting in the battle I don't even know if I'm going to win. The danger were I put myself into is to accomplish the dream to have someone who will protect me, love me and understand me; a person who will never let me go, living under his loving, warm arms, wiping the tears I'm shedding, mending my heart every time he bid a smile. That is my inherent to keep for my own sake. When I realize that I'm bringing the fool out of myself since the beginning, I felt the awkwardness of my selfish acts. I blame no one and I don't know if I have the right to say it's my fault. Not that I only want to loose it, but I also want everything about the feelings to vanish.
I've had enough with rejection, the sleepless night that haunts me; the feeling isn't just not normal even though it is the most wonderful thing in this world, but for me it cause only harmful feelings in my veins. I admit I become blind were in my thoughts it will change soon. I'm just helping myself to make the hurt go away, for me to feel better; the feeling is running away. But in reality it didn't, so I fell into a trap, stuck now to the feelings I thought it was real. Now, I'm the one who's in pain.
I've had enough with rejection, the sleepless night that haunts me; the feeling isn't just not normal even though it is the most wonderful thing in this world, but for me it cause only harmful feelings in my veins. I admit I become blind were in my thoughts it will change soon. I'm just helping myself to make the hurt go away, for me to feel better; the feeling is running away. But in reality it didn't, so I fell into a trap, stuck now to the feelings I thought it was real. Now, I'm the one who's in pain.
Am I relying on that? Or is just that I have that feeling of fear? Fear always taunting me. Why am I being like this? "I give up!" As far as I remember that's what I said to myself, to my heart, to my mind whenever I look at the mirror.
I never put period on it instead I choose, choose between the dream and the reality to make that dream real, choose between that someone or to never, I've got to choose choose choose!!! Since I'm standing now in the real world this is my chance to explore that world; the world I want to see, places I want to go and the adventure I want to reach out. I can't say I'm alone, there will always be friends around to knock with. I have to leave the feelings, leave what I have always left behind again and face countless opportunities in the future. So this is my hope, I might lost the battle, but I learn to stand knowing this is not my battle. Surrendering doesn't mean I'm weak is just the way of telling myself this is not my victory. There's always more battles ahead, prepare the armor and earheads in position.
This time I shouldn't let my guard down. I've become a coward and just stick to my comfort zone, AFRAID. Not anymore, when there's no way out, look up. Dreams, I am awake.
I never put period on it instead I choose, choose between the dream and the reality to make that dream real, choose between that someone or to never, I've got to choose choose choose!!! Since I'm standing now in the real world this is my chance to explore that world; the world I want to see, places I want to go and the adventure I want to reach out. I can't say I'm alone, there will always be friends around to knock with. I have to leave the feelings, leave what I have always left behind again and face countless opportunities in the future. So this is my hope, I might lost the battle, but I learn to stand knowing this is not my battle. Surrendering doesn't mean I'm weak is just the way of telling myself this is not my victory. There's always more battles ahead, prepare the armor and earheads in position.
This time I shouldn't let my guard down. I've become a coward and just stick to my comfort zone, AFRAID. Not anymore, when there's no way out, look up. Dreams, I am awake.
